If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy Dude's conjuring sparkles right next

Dude's conjuring sparkles right next to the words that make him unemployable

Green brushstroke text reads "CHINATOWN" with smaller white capitals reading "SAN FRANCISCO" at the bottom

Distressed cursive script in muted gold reads "Chez Quis" centered within the frame

flanked by decorative white stars on both sides

Calling a martini a "little present you give to yourself" sounds like something a therapist would flag

If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy Dude's conjuring sparkles right nextGeorge Washington got to be first at everything because his only competition was a bunch of guys in wigs arguing about tea. Ricky Bobby would have lapped the entire Continental Congress and still found time to thank baby Jesus. The Details: Arched distressed white text reads "IF YOU AIN'T FIRST," above a digital illustration of George Washington in a blue coat with red trim, white cravat, and white powdered wig, flanked by red, white, and blue stars.